I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
