i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
