So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize