perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize