"it" just moved
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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