Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
