Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
