Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
