those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
