I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
