I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
