I CAN MOONWALK!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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