"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
