I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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