So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
