This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
