Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
