Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
