I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drake has all the answers
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
