boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The beer is more important than you right now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
