i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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