Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize