you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
