dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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