We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
