You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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