Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
