this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
