Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
