she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
