I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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