Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
