they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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