Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
