My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
