I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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