sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
