I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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