I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Randomize
