No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
