Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
