I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
