YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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