I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
