i just had sex bonerless
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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