Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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