She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
