We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
