My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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