Fine. I'll sleep in my office
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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