I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize