Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
