I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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