my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
