So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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