dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
