tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
