just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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