guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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