she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
