I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The air was thick with penises
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
