My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
