I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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