we made out on top of his cat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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