I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
