Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
