Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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