I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
