your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
