someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
