The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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