there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is wine microwaveable?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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