the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
