we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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