Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
