Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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