If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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