I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
