two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
