420 ftw
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
