hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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