This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
