a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize