I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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