Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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