omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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