coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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