i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
