you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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