i just had sex bonerless
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
