things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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