you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
