Nicole vs. Life
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
