whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
