and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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