Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
