he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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