Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He shit in the fireplace
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
